Healthy Relationships Are Not Born, They Are Made
Let Me Save You Lots of Money $$$ and Time in Therapy
Wishful thinking cannot give you a “heaven on heart” kind of relationships. Rather, both partners in that relationship must work towards building a lasting love life. I have heard statement like, “his or her partner just left.” Whenever I hear such statements made out of ignorance, lots of questions are usually raised within my heart. Excuse me, in my decades of supporting marriages and families, I have never heard a woman said, I am dissolving my marriage because my husband loves me too much, he cares for me and give me lots of attention, he satisfies my emotional needs and treats me like a queen, makes me feel very worthy and on top of the world with beautiful romantic words he bath me in every day, he is so faithful to me and helps out with chores and get involved in raising the children, an awesome role model to our children of who a husband and a father should be. Lots to say about the man I married but, that’s him in a nutshell. Therefore, for these reasons I mentioned above, I want to divorce my husband. Am I hearing my readers laughing right now? If you don’t, that will surprise me! What am I saying in a nutshell, marital death happens when one or both partners are not doing what is expected to make that marriage an awesome experience for both partners in the union. Below are some awesome tips and advice I want you to pay attention to in your marriage.
Your Marriage Is Unique
Many times, we fall into the trap of wanting to please the societal status quo at the expense of building a great marriage. Do you know that you married a person, not a society! It’s time for both of you to start paying attention to those things that are important to you. Remember, when the marriage fails, it’s you that will feel the pain most, not the society. Don’t be a slave of your environment. Be true to yourself and your relationship. Start doing what will make the two of you grow deeper in love for each other.
Hit the Nail on the Head
You cannot continue to be silent or voiceless over what is tearing your heart apart in your marriage. Pay attention to recurring issues in your relationship and deliberate on how to resolve it amicably. Do you know that whatever bad habits we might have learnt in the past can be unlearned with determination and practice. It is not true that a leopard cannot change its spot. If you are willing to stop doing what hurts your partner, you will be able to direct your energy towards fulfilling that relationship goals that will add great values to your marriage.
Money Matters
Instead of fighting over your finances, what about having healthy conversation about money issue in your marriage? Having a financial goal as a couple and exhibiting implementation intention as well as striving to achieve those set goals can make your marital bond get stronger. Don’t be deceived about the role money can play in your marriage. Financial distress or lack is not fun. It will take the cooperation of both of you to not allow money jeopardize your beautiful marriage. Both of you must have a say over your family finance. If any of you have habits that will put your family under financial stress, it worth seeking help before things get out of hand.
Fight a Good Fight of Love
Every couple sometimes experience a moment of dissatisfaction with each other. How such trying moment is handled is what differentiate a good fight from a bad couple’s fight. You can show your dissatisfaction in a way that is not disrespectful to your partner. Be specific about how your partner’s actions or words affect you. Express how it made you feel. Deal with the issue, not the person. There is a way you talk that will make him or her block. That is not what you want? Your intention is not to win an argument but to make your partner know how to care for you better and what to watch out for and avoid in the future. Suppression of feelings will create false peace but will do you greater harm in the future. It is never a good strategy for resolving emotional challenges. In fact, it will deplete your emotional love for each other. Hence, make effort to resolve marital conflict as soon as possible with good conversation.
Get in Touch with Positive Role Models
If you are blessed with couples you admire the way they handle their relationship, you may consult them to share their love winning secrets with you. That role model may be your parents, trusted friends, respected clergy or a good neighbor. However, make sure they have the credibility to keep your issues confidential. In case, there is no worthy role model in your life, pay money for professional service. There is no amount of dollars that worth the peace of a healthy marriage.
Love Is a Verb
Love is an action. If you love your spouse, show it, don’t just say it. Your statements of “I love you” to your spouse, must match your expression. Your actions must communicate love to your spouse. Ensure you know your spouse love language and act in accordance to what communicates your care, affection and respect for your spouse.
Marriage Can’t Meet all your Needs
Don’t set yourself or your partner up for a failure through unrealistic expectations. Our human needs and wants are always growing. So, it is impossible for your spouse to meet your unending desires. Nevertheless, there are non- negotiables that your spouse must make effort to meet. Such includes, attending, comforting, caring, providing based on financial abilities, being faithful to the union, listening to you attentively, respecting, regard your opinions, not neglecting you and so on. These are just examples. What each couple value vary from persons to persons. What is most important is that you set realistic expectations and communicate your needs to each other.
Be Intentional
You can schedule dates to talk about your relationships. People schedule dates to talk about all kinds of things. I know you might have attended one of those meetings. So, why not your marriage? It deserves your best attention than business meetings. The state of your marriage can impact your social functioning outside of your house. So, place a priority tag on your relationship.
Prompt Weeding
Be vigilant to notice emergence of patterns that can harm your union. Like you know, “a stitch in time saves nine.” So, work on areas that are not so pleasant in your relationship with your partner. Don’t push it into the future. If you tarry too long, unhealthy habit may be established in your marriage and it will take a great deal of effort to rectify it or it may become a thorn in the flesh. So, weed out unpleasant situations with love and respect in a calm but firm manner.
Learn to be Quiet and Listen
You may not have answers for every agitation in the heart of your spouse but learning to listen without interruption will be a great blessing to your agitated spouse. Even, if it sounds uninteresting, still choose to listen with no distraction. Ensure you push away your laptops and silent your cellphone while you maintain a good eye contact with facial expression that communicates affection and care to your spouse.
You can have a great marriage. Remember, healthy marital unions are not born, rather, they are created by couples who choose to pay the price that will make it happen for them. Your marriage is the next great marriage story to be told to hundreds, thousands or millions of couples all around the world. Start working on your relationship today.
Time to go to the MOON filled with honey and laughter! I'm all ears to hear your beautiful love story.
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